Would you treat your child that way?

If you think about it, a relationship is like a child. A child is born from two people who (ideally) love each other and commit to the care and feeding of a third person. They love and want it with all their heart, and are willing to do whatever it takes to be the best they can be. That’s what a partnership is: a third BETTER thing we love into being, and choose with all our heart. And, like a child, this relationship requires attention and nurturing. We have to feed it and give it affection, protection and guidance. If we neglect it, it withers. Starve it, it dies. When we choose partnership…TRUE partnership…we are agreeing to be responsible for growing and maintaining its health and well being, emotionally, physically, and spiritually, which is a commitment not to be taken lightly. And, it changes us, if we’re lucky…just as a child does.

It strengthens our resolve to do what it takes, especially when we don’t feel like it. We feed it when it's hungry, warm it when it's cold, and hold it when it's hurt or scared. Even when we’re struggling, if we’re committed to the highest good of the “child”, we set aside our differences and pay attention to what it needs. It moves us beyond our separateness and opens us to something greater than ourselves, individually and together. We learn that honoring and caring for ourSelf is vital to our ability to be present and patient, and we find the capacity to honor and support our partner in doing the same. We become a team for the greater good. We build a strong foundation for it grow and mature; we listen and guide, and create healthy boundaries to keep it safe. We consider it in our every-day choices and include it in our big life plans, not because we have to, but because it matters. It matters most. We protect it, respect it, and hold it accountable. We play when we're too busy, we laugh even though we don't get the joke, and sometimes it breaks our heart. But we keep loving it and choosing it, again and again, and it makes us better people...every day.

Yep, true partnerships are like children that way. They give us reason to be better than ourselves…if we let them. ~kbj

Get Behind Me!

As we make this collective shift of masculine/feminine energy and balance is restored for the whole, it opens each of us to our own energies that have been out of balance for so long….literally for EONS! This presents as chaos at first, just as it has on the planet, because status-quo must be disrupted for anything to change. What was once tolerable becomes unbearable, issues surface, truth and untruths are revealed and brought out into the light to be healed or let go of. Relationships are turned on their head as all things dormant are awakened. It isn't easy and often not pretty, but it has been outrageously gorgeous in the grand scheme of things! For me personally, it has served as some of the deepest, most profound healing I’ve experienced, within Self and in partnership, as my own masculine/feminine energy is being re-set.

This shift has been occurring for some time, but it began to come fully into view about a year ago, when I started running and walking with a male neighbor-friend. It occurred to me that any time there was a car or bike approaching us, he would very gently shift his energy to the outside, putting himself between me and whomever was approaching. There was no bold movement or drama…he just very naturally took his protective position as the masculine. Now, let me explain that while I’m a predominately feminine woman, I’m also very independent and have little tolerance for so-called “damsels in distress”, so there was a time in my life I might have been insulted by such a gesture. However, what I noticed most was the exhale of relief I felt deep down every time he did this, which I now know was my feminine Self truly and finally…relaxing. She felt completely safe with him.

Sometime after,  I was running on the trail by myself and noticed a man jogging toward me in a hooded jacket. He wasn’t menacing, although I felt my OWN masculine Self energetically step in front of me, in a sort of “Get behind me!” gesture, the way a man might protect a woman or a child. I was hyper-aware of what was happening, as if observing it from outside my body, and realized this is exactly what has occurred with the masculine/feminine within me my entire life. Just as my masculine friend steps between me and potential danger, so does my masculine Self! He speaks up, stands up, and sometimes puffs up if I’m potentially threatened, be it emotional, physical, verbal, or energetic...male or female. He doesn’t tolerate abuse or injustice, manipulation, or dishonesty and has been known to bear teeth and claws when backed in a corner.

Oh, for so long I’ve judged this strong, outspoken, sometimes aggressive part of me as unloving and unkind, and even unholy, when in fact, it has been my own Divine masculine…a powerful protector, warrior, motivator, and provider. He has helped me raise two girls as a single parent, run a successful business, maintain healthy financial balance, stay well and fit. He has helped me make tough decisions, held me accountable and in integrity, motivated me to take action, to move on, to say NO, or say YES. He has pushed me to take control, take my leave, stand my ground, and honor my boundaries. With men, he’s been somewhat like a protective father sizing up the “boy at the door”, sending them away if they didn’t step up in honor and integrity. He has always shown up when I’ve needed strength and has been my balance when I was shaky. And that day, right there on the trail…I got it. This is my Divine masculine’s PURPOSE!

Don’t get me wrong…my Divine feminine is always and ever present, with finely tuned intuition and a vast capacity and commitment to love and intimacy, but it is my masculine Self with the excellent instincts and the courage to act on them. He understands and honors both the strength and vulnerability of my sacred feminine and will never allow her to be harmed or mistreated. Ironically, this is what enables (rather than prevents) her to fully surrender and relax in partnership with a man. If a man is not steadfast in his own integrity and masculine core, my feminine will not feel safe and my masculine will not step aside.

And that was it…in that moment, I literally felt my paradigm shift from one of judgment and the need to change or correct this aspect of me, to one of deep gratitude and FREEDOM, knowing I can completely trust my masculine Self to protect and honor me at all times. And that he does!  Today, any time he signals a “Get behind me!” I do so without question, without judgment, and without apology and let him do his JOB.

And that neighbor man and me? He got two thumbs up! We’re still running together…and walking…and living…and loving in the most exquisite, sacred and balanced partnership either of us has ever experienced. Oh, what a Divine shift this has been! 

The Magic of Change!

I love the energy this time of year ushers in! Before the wake of the holiday chaos, there’s a kind of stillness in the air…a sense of quiet anticipation, as the “old” falls away and new growth begins to bud deep beneath the surface. The same is true as humans change and evolve, and we too, can allow the transformative energy of this magical season to work on our behalf, as we release old patterns and perceptions, and make room for new awareness. 

Not only are the seasons changing as they always will, but the shifts of energy in and around us are palpable in our world right now. We are experiencing a phenomenal shift in consciousness as a whole, and each of us can “ride this wave” of change and growth by being willing to explore and release that which no longer serves us…or the planet. (Our choices do affect the whole!) We may be holding onto old ideas, beliefs, paradigms, behaviors, attachments, expectations, fears, and even goals. Yes, it may even be time to examine what we want! As we grow, our perceptions of success, happiness, contentment, and purpose can change, and it’s important for us to be flexible enough to hear the voice of our Soul calling, rather than only the voice of our ego that needs to maintain status quo. The ego Self may urge us to change our circumstances, location, appearance, partner, job, friends, or routine, which may be helpful, but the true and lasting shifts happen on a much deeper level, in our vision and perceptions of Self and the world.

This journey to our wholeness begins with our willingness to explore within, looking honestly and gently at any fears and false perceptions about ourselves and the world around us; at our inability to see and feel our Self worth and our true capacity for love; at the unconscious, often stubborn ego Self that keeps us stuck in painful and sometimes hurtful habits, behaviors, and false bravados we project outward; at our judgments and self-sabotage, and our unwillingness to let go, to take responsibility, to grow and to grow up; at our codependent beliefs about love and relationships and what either means about us; at our fear of taking risks or stepping out of our comfort zone to find out who we really are and our purpose here, and ultimately, to discover that WHO WE REALLY ARE is nothing less than an amazing, Divine being!

These false paradigms and beliefs may live very deep in our unconscious Self and unless we are willing to bring them out into the light and do what needs to be done to heal and let them go, we will continue to default to the habits and behaviors that go with them, denying ourselves the TRUE love, joy, and fulfillment we are here to experience.

Yes, change is MAGICAL, if we let it be! When we relax and flow with it, rather than kick and scream our way through it, we can literally transform our world, from the inside out. If you don’t know how or where to start, there’s help and support available. We’re ALL experiencing this wonderful shift in consciousness and we’re here to support, guide, and walk each other through. So rather than resist the inevitable, why not just LET GO and allow the magic of change to unfold you, in your truest, most Divine nature…your most authentic Self?

Now THAT is beautiful, glorious thing to behold! 

Never EVER Hide Your Feathers!

“She grew tired of hiding her true nature and decided to go ahead and outshine them all. Her outrageous beauty astounded them! She’s never quite been the same…only better.”

~Kate Bares-Johnson

So many of us have learned to hide who we are in order to cope with (perceived) judgment from others, whether that be from actual experience or from what we were told. We may have been brought up in an environment where we were expected to be “good” or “quiet” or “perfect” in order to hide our flaws, be accepted, or fit in….or perhaps we were told not to brag or get “too full of ourselves”, for fear we would appear arrogant or conceited about our beauty or talent. We may not have even been verbally told, but perhaps we witnessed enough of others’ communication and behaviors to make some (unconscious) decisions about how to “be” or “not be” in the world. Even in the most loving of families, most of us developed enough negative, false beliefs about ourselves to cause us to question our Self-worth and hide who we are for fear of rejection and judgment. We may have gotten out of balance in our efforts to stay in hiding and developed unhealthy behaviors, such as addictions and codependency. And now…as adults, we have outlived those false beliefs, but the behaviors have become habitual and we’ve now turned to the task of finding and retrieving our original, authentic Self.

If I’ve just described your life…WELCOME! You’re right on time.

This is not about blaming our parents or our childhood, but rather, it’s about recognizing that somewhere along the way we did what every human does…whatever we had to, to get love and acceptance. We figured out how to blend in rather than stand out, which we thought would keep us safe, secure, accepted and connected to other humans. Only problem is, we slowly disconnected from our true Self in the process. We not only learned to judge our humanness, but also to hide our Divinity…our magnificence! If we believed that veiling our flaws would make us more lovable, it’s very likely we also believed that celebrating our BEAUTY (inside AND out) would make us arrogant and make others uncomfortable. However, nothing could be farther from the truth!

Okay, let me rephrase. Some things might actually be farther from the truth. There are some people who are envious, jealous, and uncomfortable around people who are bright and shiny, but only because they can see themselves in the reflection. Their discomfort is due to their own longing to BE WHO THEY TRULY ARE, but the ego demands they continue to stay in hiding. The reality is, there are few things more inspiring and inviting than a person who shows up in their most authentic Self, neither hiding nor proving, but simply BEING. We are drawn into their energy because we recognize their Soul; an unencumbered freedom and willingness of expression, and it reaches in and touches something deep inside us. It shakes our Soul awake.

So, yes, yes, YES it’s okay to be true to your Self. Not just okay, but necessary that you never EVER hide your feathers! We’re here to thrive and experience WHO WE TRULY ARE and we must be willing to risk it to come fully alive…not only for ourselves, but for the planet. When any one of us lives out loud, we create a safe and sacred space for others to do the same. We inspire passion and creativity, love and kindness, strength and courage. We invoke Truth and integrity and hope. We empower others to heal and grow, and find purpose in their living, too! We make waves and we make ripples and we have no idea how far reaching they are. So please, promise me that you’ll never EVER hide your feathers, dear one. You have no idea the impact you have in the world, just by being YOU! 

I'm Here for the DANCING!

Enough is enough. We EACH have a choice to dance or to remain crippled by our unforgiveness. Today, I make a vow:

I'll not spend another blessed moment of my precious time on Earth attempting to sooth a wounded, angry ego that refuses to be free. Yes, that one…there. The dark mangled one that remains in the cage with the door swung wide, demanding to be coaxed out with fresh meat to sink its rotted teeth in; the one pretending to be quiet, festering in its own miserable consequence and unholy blame. 

NO! My Spirit will not be gnawed upon again. I'm not here for the feeding. I'm here for the DANCING! And the LOVING…and the LIVING! Don't dare ask me to pity that monster! How could I pity such a beautiful beast? It clearly feels at home in its own madness. It is neither broken nor bleeding, but still cowers in that wretched, hostile stench, unwilling to see itself in the light…unwilling to feel the sun on its face and the grass on its belly. Unwilling to forgive. 

I have no pity for that choice, and no more time to waste in the waiting. I’m here for the dancing. And dance I SHALL! 

SHOW UP AND SHINE!

It's really okay to be happy...really. Better than okay, actually...it's a game changer! Being afraid to SHOW UP AND SHINE is like the sun being afraid to come up. It's our most authentic NATURE to be joyful and free...to celebrate LIFE...and (contrary to popular belief), it doesn't make others who are less content feel better when we hide our happiness. JOY is contagious! Peace of mind and Soul is calming. Being in love is INSPIRING! It opens hearts to hope and possibilities, which is as loving and needed as our compassion and empathy for the pain in this world. Where did we get the idea that being successful, happy, or completely content could possibly invalidate ANYONE? Quite an arrogant concept, if you think about it. Truth is, if we've moved through, moved on, healed, grown, and done what it takes to create the life we choose, others can too! So, rather than dummy-down your joy, why not CELEBRATE the goodness of your blessings and be the spark that ignites an outbreak of BLISS!  

How Much Is (not) Enough?

When was the last time you heard yourself say, “I don’t have time to ______” or “I can’t afford to ______”? If you’re like most of us, it’s probably been within the last 24 hours or even the last 24 minutes! “I don’t have enough _______” is THE most common statement I hear when working with my clients, regardless of what they’re attempting to achieve. Be it professional or personal, financial, physical, mental, spiritual, emotional or relational, it almost always boils down to the belief that they aren’t, or don’t have, enough of something.

For instance, they may not feel they have enough knowledge, experience, time, ability, money, influence, or value. Or, perhaps they don’t believe they have enough confidence, support, determination, will power, energy, motivation, faith, or love. Regardless of the context, LACK is the undermining (unconscious) common belief. Granted, there truly are situations in our life that we may not be able to amend or change at present, and we may not have everything we need on hand (or mind), however, most any situation can be remedied with a shift in perspective and a little ingenuity.

Try this on! Next time you hear yourself saying, "I don't have time to ____ " or  "I don't have enough money for ____",  stop and ask yourself, "Hey Self...is that really true? Do I really not have enough time or money? Could I/would I create the time or money if it were important enough to me? Or is more true that I’m unsure, scared, not interested or, it simply isn’t important enough to me to spend my money or time on it? If you're willing to be completely honest, you’ll find some aspect of the latter is almost always true.

Are you arguing with me in your head right now, or doing the “yeah but” dance? Good for you! You must be pretty close. If you still feel like it’s truly a matter of lacking money or time, test it by asking yourself, "Okay, Self...so how much money did I spend at Starbucks, happy hour, or eating out this week? And tell me again how much I “saved” at that great sale this weekend? Or, “How much time was I on Facebook today, or browsing Match.com for my soulmate?” Not that any of these choices are harmful in and of themselves, but when we’re claiming we don’t have the time or money for the things we need, want, owe, or are responsible for, asking these kinds of questions can serve as our reality checks.

The reality is, we'll always, always, always find the means to do those things we want to do, (especially our habits and compulsions) but we'll often see only LACK if we're apprehensive, not interested, not ready, not sure how, not confident, or not comfortable saying "no". It’s like a “get out of jail” free card…only not. It actually keeps us trapped in the lack mentality, holds us hostage in the victim paradigm, zaps our energy and interferes with our motivation to achieve our desired goals. Simply put, like attracts like. Lack attracts lack. If you’re claiming it in ANY area, you’re attracting it in ALL.

So, next time you hear yourself saying you don’t have enough of ANYTHING, see if you can get more honest and shift the "I don't have" language to "I'm not willing"…"I don't choose to"…or simply, "No, thank you” and begin to align your words with what you DO want, and you'll not only stop a cycle of lack, but you’ll empower yourself (and others) with integrity and positive energy, and begin to attract powerful results to you!

Now…GO GET ‘EM, Tiger! 

Unlocking the DIVINE: The Key to Creating the Relationship of Your Dreams!

In my relationship work with couples, as well as my personal experience of relationship, I’ve learned that the key to a healthy, thriving, passionate partnership is HONOR…honor of Self, honor of Partner, and honor of Relationship…in that order. This may seem backward to some, especially those of us who’ve been conditioned by codependency (which is the majority, by the way), but it’s actually quite the contrary. We cannot truly honor others if we’re not aware or willing to honor ourSelf, as this is the core of our integrity…our Truth.  If we are not in alignment with our essential Truth, we are not fully present and our relationships will not fully benefit from the love we have to share. It is imperative that we learn to dig deep to discover what our essential “Soul” Truth IS in order to fully embrace and honor it, in all things. This is the core of our integrity…our character…as human beings.

Let me be clear that honoring one’s Self is not the same as thinking ONLY of one’s Self, which is quite the opposite of what I hope to impart in this writing. If loving another is aligned with our Truth, then behaving in UN-loving ways or making choices that would be dishonoring or hurtful to ourselves, our partner, or our relationship, would be equally un-loving and un-true to ourSelf. This is why honoring Self comes first, because it encompasses our love for all others.

Honoring Partner is second, not because our partner is less important, but because honor works from the inside out. When we have chosen to be in partnership, we have chosen to be on a team and must be mindful of how our personal choices affect our teammate. When we’re on any kind of team, what we bring to the team matters. It can be beneficial or detrimental, and it’s up to each person ON the team to do their best, in order to achieve success as a whole. The same is true in partnership. We must be willing and mindful to consider if our choices, actions, communication, and over-all health and well being are affecting our “team” in a negative or positive way. Yes, we can be healthy, make good choices, and learn to communicate with respect, validation, and honesty without losing ourselves, which is honoring of Self and partner, and keeps the morale of the “team” healthy, balanced and well.

And this brings us to the third principle, which is “honor the Relationship”. If we think of a relationship as an entity unto itself, we can see that it takes on a life of its own, much like a child does. For the sake of analogy, a child is born of two people who come together “in love” and create a third being, and that’s exactly how we create partnerships! Consider for a moment how you might care for a child. You would hopefully nurture and feed it, keep it warm, safe, and healthy, and make sure it was growing and learning. You would not likely neglect or abandon it, ignore it, or abuse it, would you? Now, consider whether you are giving your relationship all those same considerations, and if not, perhaps it needs your attention. This one tool will take conflict out of the personal realm and into the higher good of the partnership in an instant!

Flip it...Flip it GOOD!

Whether we have it all or we have nothing, we always have a choice. That simple truth changes everything! ~ Kate Bares-Johnson

Looking at the world around us, it’s a bit challenging to accept that we’re at choice about much of anything these days, however, choosing to shift our perception about that is precisely what proves it to be true! Regardless of our circumstances, we absolutely have the free will to determine how we interpret each moment, and with a little guidance and practice, we can literally change our entire view. For instance, consider this: Is life happening TO you or FOR you? Not sure? Well then, which one feels better?

Yes, it really is okay to simply pick a perspective that brings you peace, joy, and relief, and it really IS that easy. The reality is, you’ve been choosing your entire life…you just didn’t know all your options! Even when our choices seem slim, our first and most empowering choice is always our perspective. Therefore, if what you’re experiencing doesn’t suit you…just FLIP IT! Change the way you look at it and you’ll not only change how you feel, but you can stop whole paradigms in their tracks. You will bust up old beliefs, release old behaviors, and shift the energy on the planet…if you choose to.

Here are a few easy FLIPS to start with, that will hopefully spark new thoughts for you:

You can choose to see an Obstacle as an Opportunity, a Problem as a Possibility or a Dilemma as nothing more than a Decision. What if Weird is Wonderful, being Alone is when you come Alive, and Conflict creates Closeness? Imagine the possibilities if Lack is Luxury and Grief is Glorious! How can this be?!

This can “be” because it’s just a choice. Not a choice intended to invalidate our pain and grief, but one that will help us USE our life experiences to grow, heal, change and transform, which is what (I choose to believe) they are intended to do. Choosing a different perspective doesn’t change the experience, it only changes what you do with it.

So, next time you feel life rolling over you, FLIP IT and see where you land! Look for the gift, the lesson, and the purpose and remember…life is happening FOR you, not TO you. ALL things come to you for you highest good!

Are You Ready to LET GO and LIVE?

Get Ready to LET GO and LIVE!

Are you tired of working too hard and playing too small? Do your relationships fill you with JOY or just fill a void? Does your work empower or exhaust you?  Do you need to make changes but don’t know where to start? You’re not alone! Many of us hold onto unhealthy habits, relationships, careers and emotions simply because we don’t know how to let go.

The first step in letting go is the step toward REALITY. If you were to observe the object of your attachment, love, anger, or even unforgiveness without the filter of "What does this mean about me?" what would you see? Try it! Strip it down past your ego until you see it for what it REALLY is, bare bones. Do you still want it, need it, judge it, or feel hurt by it? Keep stripping until it has no meaning about you...until you feel neutral, not resigned. When you can finally see REALITY with neutrality, you will be free to let go.

Also, when our (unconscious) intentions hover on the level of approval and acceptance (what it means about "me") and we let that hinder our progress (choices/actions), we actually hold others at that level with us, keeping everyone involved stuck. When we're willing to see ourselves and others in the bigger picture, we recognize not only the significance of our Truth, but the necessity of honoring it. Honoring and choosing in alignment with our Truth is not always the most popular choice among friends and loved ones who have other expectations and desires for us. However, when we have the courage to disappoint another to be True to ourselves, we create a ripple of Truth that would not otherwise be possible...for us OR for them. Only good can come from Truth and it will never guide you incorrectly, although it may not be the direction you (or someone else) was hoping. Just keep digging and when you find it, you’ll also find the courage to honor it.

And last, it’s often said that nature abhors a vacuum! When we're willing to dig in, excavate, and LET GO of that which no longer serves us, we create a space for the Universe to fill. When we learn to release the old (unconscious) paradigms and beliefs and hold new, (conscious) intentions and actions, aligned with our highest and Truest values, the Universe will effortlessly fill the space with our heart's desires!

This is YOUR life…are you ready to LET GO and LIVE it?