Living A Life in Balance™

Although we live in Texas where the changing of seasons is not as noticable as in other parts of the world, there's still an energetic shift that happens. We don’t often realize the significance of the transformation it represents and the energy that can be derived from it. It's a time of stillness…a time to rest, rejuvenate and settle in, which is not to be confused with settling for, but rather, to be recognized as a nurturing, healing time and an opportunity for transformation within.

Before the onset of the holiday rush and excitement, yet close enough to the end of year to reflect on what has been, this time allows us the opportunity to prepare and set our intentions for what’s to come. It is a time of transition, just as nature transitions to make room for new growth, this is an opportunity to explore deeply, uproot and release the energy of what no longer serves us and gather new awareness and revised energy to live more fully present and awake in our True Self.

One of my favorite practices to do this time of year is A Life in Balance™: an 8-week process with step-by-step tools to clear negative energy, re-set goals and intentions and create healthy balance in every area of life...mental, emotional, physical, spiritual, relational, financial, vocational, and environmental. It takes a minimum of 8 weeks to complete, which means we're shedding and shifting right up to the end of the year, prepared to step into the new year with renewed energy and balance. And the best news is, the entire course is now downloadable and packed with goodies you can use at your own pace, with 1-1 coaching (with yours truly!) along the way.

As Fall begins to work it's magic, I hope you'll let it work for you in releasing the old, allowing the new, and kicking off the coming year in balance. Visit us at www.thecenterforwellbeing.com to register and let's get started! 

Ch-ch-ch-changes!

Well hello there! It's been quite a while since I've posted here and I have big news to share with you! 

As some of you may remember, I declared myself on official hiatus from retreats for 2017. After 20+ years of producing and facilitating 6-8 healing retreat intensives per year, it took a few life-changing events to nudge me out of that particular nest, but this past 7 months have confirmed that it was indeed, the right time! I love, love, love my work, but sometimes we have to STOP before we can BEGIN the next thing. I didn't know what that next thing was until it recently crystallized right in front of me.

To give you a bit of the back-story, when my husband Jim and I began our courtship, we both had a sense that we were called to do something together; something bigger than a relationship and life partnership. We had no idea what that was or how we would combine our gifts and talents...mine in the healing field for over 25 years and his as a headhunter/recruiter for nearly 30...but we trusted we'd be shown the way when the time came. It did and we were. It was like bouncing around in a bubble-suit for a while, which was both exhilarating and terrifying, but we have resilience if we have anything, and here we are! (more on that later)

Jim's super-power is his true heart of service. For as long as I've known him, he has dreamed of a place where Veterans and Families could receive the support and healing they truly need and deserve. As a Marine Corp veteran himself, he is fully aware of the challenges our service members have with reintegration and recovery of Self. For the past 4 years, has worked as a Certified Peer Specialist in the Williamson County Veterans' court and Travis State Jail Veteran Re-entry dorm, as he's continued in various levels of training, coaching and certification programs to broaden his base of knowledge and experience. He was also involved in several Veteran based non-profits during this time, which helped him hone in on his own vision of the type of organization he wanted to create; a place that would provide support and assistance to Veterans and their loved ones through integrative therapies, healing/wellness modalities and most importantly, peer-to-peer community.

All this was happening while I was healing and recovering from breast cancer, winding down my retreat schedule, getting my Soul Realignment, Nia, and HealthRhythms Drumming certifications as new offerings in my Soul Integration work...you know, those things I never had time for before. Something happens when you've been in a battle for your life (or your partners' life). Everything shifts and mortality is suddenly a very real thing. No time to waste “deciding” to live. You ARE living and time is precious. 

That's when it happened, I think. 

We emerged victorious from 2016, alive, well and very grateful. In February, Jim took a courageous leap of faith and applied for (and received) 501c3 non-profit status. Just like that, Code VI Veteran Integration Center was born!

Since then, it's been a whirlwind of learning, experience and growth as we've navigated the waters of the non-profit world, keeping our truest intention constant, which is to Ignite the Spark of Hope and Resilience in Veterans & Families. It was obvious early on that not only is Jim stepping into his Divine purpose that he's been called to his whole life, but this is the “what” we sensed we would do together. The unfolding and marrying of our best gifts, talents and experiences in service to others has been as organic as our courtship was. We “knew”; even if we didn't know we knew.

Oh, but that's not all! As if this wasn't a huge enough endeavor, when he founded Code VI, we simultaneously started a private-label coffee company, www.codevicoffee.com, with the intent to donate 50% of coffee profits to Code VI Veterans! We LOVE coffee (and it's GOOD coffee!) and it seemed like a brilliant idea at the time, but it didn't take long to realize this too, is a full time prospect and our energy to do both started dwindling. So, we did what we know to do: we stepped back, remembered our “why” and asked for guidance. Guidance came, the decision was made, and we are currently in the process of merging the two (which seems like a no-brainer now). This not only enables us to focus on what's most important, but will allow us to now offer 100% of our coffee profits to Code VI Veterans...a win all the way around!

What it gives YOU is

1. A place to receive support and assistance if you are a Veteran, active service, or family member.
2. An impactful, tax deductible way to give back to our service members, and/or
3. Some really, REALLY good coffee (that 100% supports Veterans' healing and integration).

So, why am I telling you all this? Because I want you to KNOW! Not just about our mission, but to inspire and encourage you to find your own! I had no idea we'd be doing this a year ago! It happened because we were willing. We didn't know the how or the when, but by listening and trusting guidance, engaging in the process, and exploring what we felt drawn to (instead of holding tight to what we already knew), we were directed and aligned with the right people, places and things that brought Code VI to fruition.

Whatever it is you're dreaming of, let it have it's way with you. It can and will happen the moment you STOP and let it BEGIN. Don't let go of your nudge or your feel good; just let go of how it happens. Step back, remember your “why” and ask for Guidance. Don't ever give up on that! Explore. Listen. Ask questions. Immerse yourself in those things and with those people who are doing what you want to do, or something like it. Ask for help from a coach or mentors, but remember...only YOU can do it YOUR way ! Let us know if we can help. We're cheering you on and can't wait to see what you create!

While you're letting that percolate, (pun intended!) go check out what we're up to, give if you feel moved to, and/or get yourself some delicious Code VI Resilience Blend Coffee! 

www.integratedveteran.org and www.codevicoffee.com (soon to be one and the same!)

You're GORGEOUS INSIDE!

On a walk one morning, I saw this real-estate sign posted in front of a house and thought, "I WANT A SIGN LIKE THAT!" A bumper sticker...a name-tag...SOMETHING! It sounds silly, but I swear that house actually stood a little straighter; a little more confident. It was a beautiful house on the outside as well, but that didn't stop the seller from inviting the world to look on the inside, where the real living happens.  Where they would be comfortable and safe; where they would love and be loved; where they would be vulnerable, and creative, and cleansed and fed. Where they would be real and messy and at "home" with their families. It was an invitation to go past what we saw on the outside and step inside, where the good stuff is! 

I thought it was a brilliant metaphor for how we present ourselves in the world. How many of us would be bold enough to boast a "I'M GORGEOUS INSIDE" sign? It requires a great deal of humility to invite others to see us on the inside; to be that real and willing to be seen in ALL of it. The truth is, we ARE gorgeous inside, in all of our humanness and messiness, but the "signs" we tend to drag around more often say things like, "NEEDS WORK", or "REDUCED TO SELL", shouting our Self-judgments rather than celebrating our true beauty!

I promised myself that day to replace my "FIXER UPPER" sign with a brand-spanking new "I'M GORGEOUS INSIDE" sign and I remind myself daily that I'm always growing, changing, evolving, becoming, but WHO I AM, is and always will be, beautifully made. And so is everyone else! 

I do believe I've walked a little taller, been a little kinder, and smiled a whole lot more ever since.  

STAYING PRESENT!

My husband and I just returned from a get-away excursion to Tulum, Mexico...it was heavenly! Turquoise water, white sand, and a quaint little cottage we found on-line. A quaint little cottage with no AC, a rattly old ceiling fan, and barely running water. I'm definitely spoiled to my creature comforts! But we acclimated fairly quickly to what “was” (or wasn't) and remembered our foremost intention in going was to recoup, regroup, and unplug from the world.

Sounds easy enough, and considering Tulum is off the grid for the most part...solar powered, with only generator back-up...it should have been a cinch. Yet, we figured out exactly where to stand in the room and how far to lean over the balcony to get a WiFi signal, depending on the time of day. We laughed at ourselves at how far we'd go to “plug back in”. It was just silly. It took effort to resist the temptation to stay “tethered” to technology and get all the way present, but we did it! And it made me acutely aware of how unconsciously "plugged in" we are in every day life. Note to Self.

It was so automatic to reach for our phones and I kept wondering, “What would we do if we didn't have the option?” What if we couldn't pick up a phone for directions, or pesos conversion, or the meaning of a word? We'd have to rely on our senses, our communication skills, and definitely on other people. Another note to Self.

No judgment, just noted observation of how often our dependencies and habits prevent us from being completely present, even when we're exactly where we want to be, doing exactly what we want to do, with exactly the people we want to be with. And then we saw it...

Driving along that beautiful coast, windows down, sun on our face, completely content in the moment; when out of nowhere there was a big, bright orange, diamond-shaped, very-official traffic sign on the edge of the road that simply read: “STAY PRESENT”. It didn't say “Slow Down” or “Narrow Shoulder”, it literally said, “STAY PRESENT”. That was it! Just STAY PRESENT.

Um...okay. Wow! Doesn't get much clearer than that.

Noted. Noted. And noted!

BEHOLD The Uncorked Soul!

I love my work in this world. I love witnessing the unfolding and awakening of a Soul...the transformation that remembering ignites. I live to see the light come back in the eyes, filling from that deep, down place where Self-worth has been uncorked!

It makes my feet hit the floor in a happy dance when someone wants to dive deep. Not to be pushed from the cliff, but to hold hands and jump! I’ve been at that ledge a gazillion times myself, and each time is always just as scary as the first. Right up until the moment my feet leave the edge, and I’m free-falling into me…and all that I’ve forgotten I Am.

Exploring beneath the surface of Self – the underbelly of the ego – isn’t everybody’s cup of Chi. Not everyone’s ready. I know that. Some have gotten too used to dying to really live. Although it’s hard to watch them struggle, I honor it. God knows I’ve been it. I understand how unsettling the unknown can be, but now I know how unliveable the settling can be.

So I keep stepping to the edge, and I’ll keep diving in, again and again, because living Who I Am is the purest joy I’ve ever known. You can always find me there, I’m sure of it. And I will always, always offer my hand when you’re ready to jump, too. ~kbc

SHOW UP AND SHINE!

It's really okay to be happy...really. Better than okay, actually...it's a game changer! Being afraid to SHOW UP AND SHINE is like the sun being afraid to come up. It's our most authentic NATURE to be joyful and free...to celebrate LIFE...and (contrary to popular belief), it doesn't make others who are less content feel better when we hide our happiness. JOY is contagious! Peace of mind and Soul is calming. Being in love is INSPIRING! It opens hearts to hope and possibilities, which is as loving and needed as our compassion and empathy for the pain in this world. Where did we get the idea that being successful, happy, or completely content could possibly invalidate ANYONE? Quite an arrogant concept, if you think about it. Truth is, if we've moved through, moved on, healed, grown, and done what it takes to create the life we choose, others can too! So, rather than dummy-down your joy, why not CELEBRATE the goodness of your blessings and be the spark that ignites an outbreak of BLISS!  

Let Go and Hang On!

Sometimes, we need help. Sometimes we need to ask for guidance or another perspective to reveal blind-spots about ourselves and the world around us. Sometimes we just need someone to hold the rope while we pull ourselves up. We need help getting out of a spiritual or emotional hole, but our spiritual or emotional damage won’t allow us to ask for the help we need. It's a vicious cycle...and it’s exhausting.

Every one of us gets caught up, and sometimes stuck, in our negative beliefs or faulty paradigms from time to time. That's our humanness. These untrue stories we tell from the inside out are molded from the extremities of our life experiences; some we were taught and some we made up ourselves, to make sense and survive the pains of life. We have these survival instincts on all levels...emotional, physical and spiritual...which is good thing. Except when we get stuck in surviving rather than thriving, and continue to recreate pain over and over for ourselves.

It goes something like this: The coping mechanisms we learned early on in life have become knee-jerk survival behaviors and reactions to normal life experiences today. They're no longer necessary, but it's all we know, so we just keep doing it. It doesn't feel right on some level, but we're rarely able to access that level...not on our own. Eventually, (if we're lucky) the pain we're inflicting on ourselves outweighs the pain we've been avoiding and we finally, courageously wave the white flag and grab the rope. We're tired. We want to heal, we don't know how, and we ask for help. I say “lucky” because this is when relief can truly come.

And it will. We can heal. We CAN! We just have to be willing to GRAB THE ROPE and hang on! When we feel like we're going under, we're stuck, or there's a gaping hole of something missing; or we don't understand why things are happening to us; or we DO understand, but we don't know how to change it or stop the cycle; or we feel angry, scared, depressed, lost, hurt, or confused; or we feel unloved, unworthy, not good enough, unmotivated, uninspired, out of balance, or just generally "not in our skin", then perhaps it's time to let go of what we know and grab the rope. It's time to help ourselves to help.

Sometimes we need support and guidance to find our way back to ourSelves. Fortunately, there's always help, there's always hope, there's always a choice...and we’re never alone!

Life in the Holy Fire

I knew coming into this year that it would be BIG, but I had no idea HOW big! Learning and living smack in the center of my being through every single bit of it has been the most Divine experience. Be it joyful or painful,

the blessings have shifted, shaped, and completely transformed most every aspect of my life! More on that later, but here are just a few of the gifts that came through my experiences this year:

On Forgiveness:

"Forgiveness is more of a quiet, private journey one takes...deep down, where the pain and hurt wreck us the most. It's not on the outside, spoken with the pretense of proving we're bigger or more evolved, or more kind or loving; it's not a competition, but a personal walk to the core of our being where we forgive ourSelf for forgetting who we are, even for a moment. To forgive Self is to forgive all humanity at once, for forgetting we are the same." ~ April 2013

"The path to forgiveness is the same path of grief... they both lead to acceptance. First there is denial (shock), then anger (protection), then bargaining (attempting to make sense of the violation/loss), then deep sadness (surrendering to the pain of the violation/loss) and finally, acceptance (awakening in the reality of NOW). We may bounce around them all, until we're finally ready and able to accept the reality of a situation or a person. Acceptance is not resignation, but rather, REALization. We awaken to the reality of what IS and are now empowered to choose how we engage, with others or with life, accordingly. Acceptance is NEUTRAL. We finally just "get" that things are what they are, and people do what they do, and gently, our attachment/resistance morphs into peace. Be it thru grief or forgiveness, or both...acceptance frees us to let go and live again"

~ November 2013

 

On Personal Responsibility:

"Some people are far more committed to being right about what's wrong than to what they claim they WANT. Relationships are an energy exchange...a give and receive...a two-way experience. You're not responsible for how others feel, but you ARE responsible for the energy you bring to the table and the mess you (help) make with it. "Scout rule: Leave things better than you found them!" If you're IN a conflict, you have a part. Period. Find it, clean it up, and carry on!"

~ October 2013

 

"Ahhh, life offers up so many opportunities to BE who I am...right here, right now. Not that person I envision I am or that I'm "growing" into, but who I ALREADY am, on the inside. That woman who lives in my mind's eye, moving through life with grace and strength, compassion and unshakable "knowing"; who is not removed from herSelf by the harshness of life or the disapproval of others, but steadfast in her Truth. She is undeniably REAL and unflinchingly unapologetic. She protects and nurtures, be it a sword or a soft place to land...she knows. Tender in heart, strong in vulnerability, deep in wisdom, and fierce in love, she is ever present in the fire of life. YES! That Holy fire of life, burning away the veils until all that remains is who I ALREADY am...right here, right now."

~ September 2013

 

On trust and gratitude:

"Think with your own mind; feel with your own heart; listen to your own knowing. What the ego hides from the eyes, the Soul already knows. Trust that."

~ August 2013

 

"I do love how Spirit works thru us, usually in ways we least expect. As we listened to the rain fall the night before the wedding and watched it come and go the day of, we were tempted to stress about it, (ok, mostly me), but more than that, we both felt a sense of serenity and "rightness" about it all, even though our outdoor picnic /reception was a wash...literally. We just knew we were in good hands, and it even felt strangely "baptismal", as if the rain was washing away all that had been before THAT very day, making us new, and readying us to begin our life together in NOW. (Which explains why we got so much of it!) There were even a couple of potentially painful situations that were beyond our control the week of, (unrelated to the wedding), yet thru it all, we kept being brought back to the awareness of how Divinely TRUE that really is...that it is ALL beyond our control. We made a choice then, to trust God (even more!) to guide us on our way, standing firmly and freely in the light we create TOGETHER, and let it shine, shine, SHINE! Wherever it takes us, stepping into our marriage surrendered in the absolute peace and knowing that we are in the best hands of all, made it a truly Heavenly day!" ~ October 2013 

My hope for you this holiday and beyond, is that you are at peace in the knowing that each moment has been full with purpose and more potent than you can hold in your own two hands; that you will trust Spirit to guide you and to unfold you in the magnificence you ARE...right here, right now. I look forward to another year with you, on this incredible journey we share. Many blessings for a joyful, wondrous holiday, dear friends. All my love! 

Can You Dig It?

I've learned a few things on my way to this age...some came easy, some the hard way...and I wouldn't trade not one experience, one heartache, or one moment of bliss for anything in the world! I'm an experiential learner, as well as a hard-headed-do-it-mySelfer, so digging in the dirt comes natural, albeit, a bit messy. I've done many, many things in my life the exact wrong way, so I could apparently discover the RIGHT way...for me. It's not always been pretty, and for a good bit of my life I felt awful, even guilty for screwing up or making mistakes, because I thought I should "know better". What I finally understand is, I was on my way to not only "knowing better", but knowing ME all the time!

Through all the excavating, it occurred to me along the way that the way I see myself and my world is my choice, and that the only evidence of anything being true or false lives in my own perspective, which is completely dependent on how I choose to translate the evidence I find. So, I decided to change my perspective! Yep. I just decided...just like that. I made the choice to perceive life as more of an adventure than a test; to stop questioning why things are happening TO me and consider how they are happening FOR Me, and viola! Everything changed.

I stopped feeling responsible for things that weren't mine. I stop apologizing for being human. I stopped wasting time regretting my choices and looked for the gifts instead. I learned how to leave others' opinions and judgments to them. I risked being disliked, misunderstood, and ridiculed to honor mySelf and live according to my own values. I learned to let go, get out of my own way, and listen to higher guidance, first. I learned that forgiveness from others is not required, but forgiveness for Self is as vital as air. I stopped wondering what "happy, joyful and free" felt like and started LIVING it! And the digging continues...

Today, I can honestly say that when I make choices that are not in alignment with my highest good, I simply choose again! I shake off the humanness of shame and regret, make amends if needed, get up, and dig some more, because that's where the goodies are...down deep in the Soul, where God hangs out. Yes, every single experience of life has brought me home to mySelf, and there's just no sweeter place to live. 

Can YOU dig it?

Uncorked!

I love my work in this world. I love witnessing the unfolding and awakening of a Soul...the transformation that remembering ignites. I live to see the light come back in the eyes, filling from that deep, down place where Self-worth has been uncorked!

It makes my feet hit the floor in a happy dance when someone wants to dive deep. Not to be pushed from the cliff, but to hold hands and jump! I’ve been at that ledge a gazillion times myself, and each time is always just as scary as the first. Right up until the moment my feet leave the edge, and I’m free-falling into me…and all that I’ve forgotten I Am.

Exploring beneath the surface of Self – the underbelly of the ego – isn’t everybody’s cup of Chi. Not everyone’s ready. I know that. Some have gotten too used to dying to really live. Although it’s hard to watch them struggle, I honor it. God knows I’ve been it. I understand how unsettling the unknown can be, but now I know how unliveable the settling can be.

So I keep stepping to the edge, and I’ll keep diving in, again and again, because living Who I Am is the purest joy I’ve ever known. You can always find me there, I’m sure of it. And I will always, always offer my hand when you’re ready to jump, too. ~kbj

Would you treat your child that way?

If you think about it, a relationship is like a child. A child is born from two people who (ideally) love each other and commit to the care and feeding of a third person. They love and want it with all their heart, and are willing to do whatever it takes to be the best they can be. That’s what a partnership is: a third BETTER thing we love into being, and choose with all our heart. And, like a child, this relationship requires attention and nurturing. We have to feed it and give it affection, protection and guidance. If we neglect it, it withers. Starve it, it dies. When we choose partnership…TRUE partnership…we are agreeing to be responsible for growing and maintaining its health and well being, emotionally, physically, and spiritually, which is a commitment not to be taken lightly. And, it changes us, if we’re lucky…just as a child does.

It strengthens our resolve to do what it takes, especially when we don’t feel like it. We feed it when it's hungry, warm it when it's cold, and hold it when it's hurt or scared. Even when we’re struggling, if we’re committed to the highest good of the “child”, we set aside our differences and pay attention to what it needs. It moves us beyond our separateness and opens us to something greater than ourselves, individually and together. We learn that honoring and caring for ourSelf is vital to our ability to be present and patient, and we find the capacity to honor and support our partner in doing the same. We become a team for the greater good. We build a strong foundation for it grow and mature; we listen and guide, and create healthy boundaries to keep it safe. We consider it in our every-day choices and include it in our big life plans, not because we have to, but because it matters. It matters most. We protect it, respect it, and hold it accountable. We play when we're too busy, we laugh even though we don't get the joke, and sometimes it breaks our heart. But we keep loving it and choosing it, again and again, and it makes us better people...every day.

Yep, true partnerships are like children that way. They give us reason to be better than ourselves…if we let them. ~kbj

Get Behind Me!

As we make this collective shift of masculine/feminine energy and balance is restored for the whole, it opens each of us to our own energies that have been out of balance for so long….literally for EONS! This presents as chaos at first, just as it has on the planet, because status-quo must be disrupted for anything to change. What was once tolerable becomes unbearable, issues surface, truth and untruths are revealed and brought out into the light to be healed or let go of. Relationships are turned on their head as all things dormant are awakened. It isn't easy and often not pretty, but it has been outrageously gorgeous in the grand scheme of things! For me personally, it has served as some of the deepest, most profound healing I’ve experienced, within Self and in partnership, as my own masculine/feminine energy is being re-set.

This shift has been occurring for some time, but it began to come fully into view about a year ago, when I started running and walking with a male neighbor-friend. It occurred to me that any time there was a car or bike approaching us, he would very gently shift his energy to the outside, putting himself between me and whomever was approaching. There was no bold movement or drama…he just very naturally took his protective position as the masculine. Now, let me explain that while I’m a predominately feminine woman, I’m also very independent and have little tolerance for so-called “damsels in distress”, so there was a time in my life I might have been insulted by such a gesture. However, what I noticed most was the exhale of relief I felt deep down every time he did this, which I now know was my feminine Self truly and finally…relaxing. She felt completely safe with him.

Sometime after,  I was running on the trail by myself and noticed a man jogging toward me in a hooded jacket. He wasn’t menacing, although I felt my OWN masculine Self energetically step in front of me, in a sort of “Get behind me!” gesture, the way a man might protect a woman or a child. I was hyper-aware of what was happening, as if observing it from outside my body, and realized this is exactly what has occurred with the masculine/feminine within me my entire life. Just as my masculine friend steps between me and potential danger, so does my masculine Self! He speaks up, stands up, and sometimes puffs up if I’m potentially threatened, be it emotional, physical, verbal, or energetic...male or female. He doesn’t tolerate abuse or injustice, manipulation, or dishonesty and has been known to bear teeth and claws when backed in a corner.

Oh, for so long I’ve judged this strong, outspoken, sometimes aggressive part of me as unloving and unkind, and even unholy, when in fact, it has been my own Divine masculine…a powerful protector, warrior, motivator, and provider. He has helped me raise two girls as a single parent, run a successful business, maintain healthy financial balance, stay well and fit. He has helped me make tough decisions, held me accountable and in integrity, motivated me to take action, to move on, to say NO, or say YES. He has pushed me to take control, take my leave, stand my ground, and honor my boundaries. With men, he’s been somewhat like a protective father sizing up the “boy at the door”, sending them away if they didn’t step up in honor and integrity. He has always shown up when I’ve needed strength and has been my balance when I was shaky. And that day, right there on the trail…I got it. This is my Divine masculine’s PURPOSE!

Don’t get me wrong…my Divine feminine is always and ever present, with finely tuned intuition and a vast capacity and commitment to love and intimacy, but it is my masculine Self with the excellent instincts and the courage to act on them. He understands and honors both the strength and vulnerability of my sacred feminine and will never allow her to be harmed or mistreated. Ironically, this is what enables (rather than prevents) her to fully surrender and relax in partnership with a man. If a man is not steadfast in his own integrity and masculine core, my feminine will not feel safe and my masculine will not step aside.

And that was it…in that moment, I literally felt my paradigm shift from one of judgment and the need to change or correct this aspect of me, to one of deep gratitude and FREEDOM, knowing I can completely trust my masculine Self to protect and honor me at all times. And that he does!  Today, any time he signals a “Get behind me!” I do so without question, without judgment, and without apology and let him do his JOB.

And that neighbor man and me? He got two thumbs up! We’re still running together…and walking…and living…and loving in the most exquisite, sacred and balanced partnership either of us has ever experienced. Oh, what a Divine shift this has been! 

The Magic of Change!

I love the energy this time of year ushers in! Before the wake of the holiday chaos, there’s a kind of stillness in the air…a sense of quiet anticipation, as the “old” falls away and new growth begins to bud deep beneath the surface. The same is true as humans change and evolve, and we too, can allow the transformative energy of this magical season to work on our behalf, as we release old patterns and perceptions, and make room for new awareness. 

Not only are the seasons changing as they always will, but the shifts of energy in and around us are palpable in our world right now. We are experiencing a phenomenal shift in consciousness as a whole, and each of us can “ride this wave” of change and growth by being willing to explore and release that which no longer serves us…or the planet. (Our choices do affect the whole!) We may be holding onto old ideas, beliefs, paradigms, behaviors, attachments, expectations, fears, and even goals. Yes, it may even be time to examine what we want! As we grow, our perceptions of success, happiness, contentment, and purpose can change, and it’s important for us to be flexible enough to hear the voice of our Soul calling, rather than only the voice of our ego that needs to maintain status quo. The ego Self may urge us to change our circumstances, location, appearance, partner, job, friends, or routine, which may be helpful, but the true and lasting shifts happen on a much deeper level, in our vision and perceptions of Self and the world.

This journey to our wholeness begins with our willingness to explore within, looking honestly and gently at any fears and false perceptions about ourselves and the world around us; at our inability to see and feel our Self worth and our true capacity for love; at the unconscious, often stubborn ego Self that keeps us stuck in painful and sometimes hurtful habits, behaviors, and false bravados we project outward; at our judgments and self-sabotage, and our unwillingness to let go, to take responsibility, to grow and to grow up; at our codependent beliefs about love and relationships and what either means about us; at our fear of taking risks or stepping out of our comfort zone to find out who we really are and our purpose here, and ultimately, to discover that WHO WE REALLY ARE is nothing less than an amazing, Divine being!

These false paradigms and beliefs may live very deep in our unconscious Self and unless we are willing to bring them out into the light and do what needs to be done to heal and let them go, we will continue to default to the habits and behaviors that go with them, denying ourselves the TRUE love, joy, and fulfillment we are here to experience.

Yes, change is MAGICAL, if we let it be! When we relax and flow with it, rather than kick and scream our way through it, we can literally transform our world, from the inside out. If you don’t know how or where to start, there’s help and support available. We’re ALL experiencing this wonderful shift in consciousness and we’re here to support, guide, and walk each other through. So rather than resist the inevitable, why not just LET GO and allow the magic of change to unfold you, in your truest, most Divine nature…your most authentic Self?

Now THAT is beautiful, glorious thing to behold! 

Never EVER Hide Your Feathers!

“She grew tired of hiding her true nature and decided to go ahead and outshine them all. Her outrageous beauty astounded them! She’s never quite been the same…only better.”

~Kate Bares-Johnson

So many of us have learned to hide who we are in order to cope with (perceived) judgment from others, whether that be from actual experience or from what we were told. We may have been brought up in an environment where we were expected to be “good” or “quiet” or “perfect” in order to hide our flaws, be accepted, or fit in….or perhaps we were told not to brag or get “too full of ourselves”, for fear we would appear arrogant or conceited about our beauty or talent. We may not have even been verbally told, but perhaps we witnessed enough of others’ communication and behaviors to make some (unconscious) decisions about how to “be” or “not be” in the world. Even in the most loving of families, most of us developed enough negative, false beliefs about ourselves to cause us to question our Self-worth and hide who we are for fear of rejection and judgment. We may have gotten out of balance in our efforts to stay in hiding and developed unhealthy behaviors, such as addictions and codependency. And now…as adults, we have outlived those false beliefs, but the behaviors have become habitual and we’ve now turned to the task of finding and retrieving our original, authentic Self.

If I’ve just described your life…WELCOME! You’re right on time.

This is not about blaming our parents or our childhood, but rather, it’s about recognizing that somewhere along the way we did what every human does…whatever we had to, to get love and acceptance. We figured out how to blend in rather than stand out, which we thought would keep us safe, secure, accepted and connected to other humans. Only problem is, we slowly disconnected from our true Self in the process. We not only learned to judge our humanness, but also to hide our Divinity…our magnificence! If we believed that veiling our flaws would make us more lovable, it’s very likely we also believed that celebrating our BEAUTY (inside AND out) would make us arrogant and make others uncomfortable. However, nothing could be farther from the truth!

Okay, let me rephrase. Some things might actually be farther from the truth. There are some people who are envious, jealous, and uncomfortable around people who are bright and shiny, but only because they can see themselves in the reflection. Their discomfort is due to their own longing to BE WHO THEY TRULY ARE, but the ego demands they continue to stay in hiding. The reality is, there are few things more inspiring and inviting than a person who shows up in their most authentic Self, neither hiding nor proving, but simply BEING. We are drawn into their energy because we recognize their Soul; an unencumbered freedom and willingness of expression, and it reaches in and touches something deep inside us. It shakes our Soul awake.

So, yes, yes, YES it’s okay to be true to your Self. Not just okay, but necessary that you never EVER hide your feathers! We’re here to thrive and experience WHO WE TRULY ARE and we must be willing to risk it to come fully alive…not only for ourselves, but for the planet. When any one of us lives out loud, we create a safe and sacred space for others to do the same. We inspire passion and creativity, love and kindness, strength and courage. We invoke Truth and integrity and hope. We empower others to heal and grow, and find purpose in their living, too! We make waves and we make ripples and we have no idea how far reaching they are. So please, promise me that you’ll never EVER hide your feathers, dear one. You have no idea the impact you have in the world, just by being YOU! 

I'm Here for the DANCING!

Enough is enough. We EACH have a choice to dance or to remain crippled by our unforgiveness. Today, I make a vow:

I'll not spend another blessed moment of my precious time on Earth attempting to sooth a wounded, angry ego that refuses to be free. Yes, that one…there. The dark mangled one that remains in the cage with the door swung wide, demanding to be coaxed out with fresh meat to sink its rotted teeth in; the one pretending to be quiet, festering in its own miserable consequence and unholy blame. 

NO! My Spirit will not be gnawed upon again. I'm not here for the feeding. I'm here for the DANCING! And the LOVING…and the LIVING! Don't dare ask me to pity that monster! How could I pity such a beautiful beast? It clearly feels at home in its own madness. It is neither broken nor bleeding, but still cowers in that wretched, hostile stench, unwilling to see itself in the light…unwilling to feel the sun on its face and the grass on its belly. Unwilling to forgive. 

I have no pity for that choice, and no more time to waste in the waiting. I’m here for the dancing. And dance I SHALL! 

SHOW UP AND SHINE!

It's really okay to be happy...really. Better than okay, actually...it's a game changer! Being afraid to SHOW UP AND SHINE is like the sun being afraid to come up. It's our most authentic NATURE to be joyful and free...to celebrate LIFE...and (contrary to popular belief), it doesn't make others who are less content feel better when we hide our happiness. JOY is contagious! Peace of mind and Soul is calming. Being in love is INSPIRING! It opens hearts to hope and possibilities, which is as loving and needed as our compassion and empathy for the pain in this world. Where did we get the idea that being successful, happy, or completely content could possibly invalidate ANYONE? Quite an arrogant concept, if you think about it. Truth is, if we've moved through, moved on, healed, grown, and done what it takes to create the life we choose, others can too! So, rather than dummy-down your joy, why not CELEBRATE the goodness of your blessings and be the spark that ignites an outbreak of BLISS!  

How Much Is (not) Enough?

When was the last time you heard yourself say, “I don’t have time to ______” or “I can’t afford to ______”? If you’re like most of us, it’s probably been within the last 24 hours or even the last 24 minutes! “I don’t have enough _______” is THE most common statement I hear when working with my clients, regardless of what they’re attempting to achieve. Be it professional or personal, financial, physical, mental, spiritual, emotional or relational, it almost always boils down to the belief that they aren’t, or don’t have, enough of something.

For instance, they may not feel they have enough knowledge, experience, time, ability, money, influence, or value. Or, perhaps they don’t believe they have enough confidence, support, determination, will power, energy, motivation, faith, or love. Regardless of the context, LACK is the undermining (unconscious) common belief. Granted, there truly are situations in our life that we may not be able to amend or change at present, and we may not have everything we need on hand (or mind), however, most any situation can be remedied with a shift in perspective and a little ingenuity.

Try this on! Next time you hear yourself saying, "I don't have time to ____ " or  "I don't have enough money for ____",  stop and ask yourself, "Hey Self...is that really true? Do I really not have enough time or money? Could I/would I create the time or money if it were important enough to me? Or is more true that I’m unsure, scared, not interested or, it simply isn’t important enough to me to spend my money or time on it? If you're willing to be completely honest, you’ll find some aspect of the latter is almost always true.

Are you arguing with me in your head right now, or doing the “yeah but” dance? Good for you! You must be pretty close. If you still feel like it’s truly a matter of lacking money or time, test it by asking yourself, "Okay, Self...so how much money did I spend at Starbucks, happy hour, or eating out this week? And tell me again how much I “saved” at that great sale this weekend? Or, “How much time was I on Facebook today, or browsing Match.com for my soulmate?” Not that any of these choices are harmful in and of themselves, but when we’re claiming we don’t have the time or money for the things we need, want, owe, or are responsible for, asking these kinds of questions can serve as our reality checks.

The reality is, we'll always, always, always find the means to do those things we want to do, (especially our habits and compulsions) but we'll often see only LACK if we're apprehensive, not interested, not ready, not sure how, not confident, or not comfortable saying "no". It’s like a “get out of jail” free card…only not. It actually keeps us trapped in the lack mentality, holds us hostage in the victim paradigm, zaps our energy and interferes with our motivation to achieve our desired goals. Simply put, like attracts like. Lack attracts lack. If you’re claiming it in ANY area, you’re attracting it in ALL.

So, next time you hear yourself saying you don’t have enough of ANYTHING, see if you can get more honest and shift the "I don't have" language to "I'm not willing"…"I don't choose to"…or simply, "No, thank you” and begin to align your words with what you DO want, and you'll not only stop a cycle of lack, but you’ll empower yourself (and others) with integrity and positive energy, and begin to attract powerful results to you!

Now…GO GET ‘EM, Tiger! 

Unlocking the DIVINE: The Key to Creating the Relationship of Your Dreams!

In my relationship work with couples, as well as my personal experience of relationship, I’ve learned that the key to a healthy, thriving, passionate partnership is HONOR…honor of Self, honor of Partner, and honor of Relationship…in that order. This may seem backward to some, especially those of us who’ve been conditioned by codependency (which is the majority, by the way), but it’s actually quite the contrary. We cannot truly honor others if we’re not aware or willing to honor ourSelf, as this is the core of our integrity…our Truth.  If we are not in alignment with our essential Truth, we are not fully present and our relationships will not fully benefit from the love we have to share. It is imperative that we learn to dig deep to discover what our essential “Soul” Truth IS in order to fully embrace and honor it, in all things. This is the core of our integrity…our character…as human beings.

Let me be clear that honoring one’s Self is not the same as thinking ONLY of one’s Self, which is quite the opposite of what I hope to impart in this writing. If loving another is aligned with our Truth, then behaving in UN-loving ways or making choices that would be dishonoring or hurtful to ourselves, our partner, or our relationship, would be equally un-loving and un-true to ourSelf. This is why honoring Self comes first, because it encompasses our love for all others.

Honoring Partner is second, not because our partner is less important, but because honor works from the inside out. When we have chosen to be in partnership, we have chosen to be on a team and must be mindful of how our personal choices affect our teammate. When we’re on any kind of team, what we bring to the team matters. It can be beneficial or detrimental, and it’s up to each person ON the team to do their best, in order to achieve success as a whole. The same is true in partnership. We must be willing and mindful to consider if our choices, actions, communication, and over-all health and well being are affecting our “team” in a negative or positive way. Yes, we can be healthy, make good choices, and learn to communicate with respect, validation, and honesty without losing ourselves, which is honoring of Self and partner, and keeps the morale of the “team” healthy, balanced and well.

And this brings us to the third principle, which is “honor the Relationship”. If we think of a relationship as an entity unto itself, we can see that it takes on a life of its own, much like a child does. For the sake of analogy, a child is born of two people who come together “in love” and create a third being, and that’s exactly how we create partnerships! Consider for a moment how you might care for a child. You would hopefully nurture and feed it, keep it warm, safe, and healthy, and make sure it was growing and learning. You would not likely neglect or abandon it, ignore it, or abuse it, would you? Now, consider whether you are giving your relationship all those same considerations, and if not, perhaps it needs your attention. This one tool will take conflict out of the personal realm and into the higher good of the partnership in an instant!

Flip it...Flip it GOOD!

Whether we have it all or we have nothing, we always have a choice. That simple truth changes everything! ~ Kate Bares-Johnson

Looking at the world around us, it’s a bit challenging to accept that we’re at choice about much of anything these days, however, choosing to shift our perception about that is precisely what proves it to be true! Regardless of our circumstances, we absolutely have the free will to determine how we interpret each moment, and with a little guidance and practice, we can literally change our entire view. For instance, consider this: Is life happening TO you or FOR you? Not sure? Well then, which one feels better?

Yes, it really is okay to simply pick a perspective that brings you peace, joy, and relief, and it really IS that easy. The reality is, you’ve been choosing your entire life…you just didn’t know all your options! Even when our choices seem slim, our first and most empowering choice is always our perspective. Therefore, if what you’re experiencing doesn’t suit you…just FLIP IT! Change the way you look at it and you’ll not only change how you feel, but you can stop whole paradigms in their tracks. You will bust up old beliefs, release old behaviors, and shift the energy on the planet…if you choose to.

Here are a few easy FLIPS to start with, that will hopefully spark new thoughts for you:

You can choose to see an Obstacle as an Opportunity, a Problem as a Possibility or a Dilemma as nothing more than a Decision. What if Weird is Wonderful, being Alone is when you come Alive, and Conflict creates Closeness? Imagine the possibilities if Lack is Luxury and Grief is Glorious! How can this be?!

This can “be” because it’s just a choice. Not a choice intended to invalidate our pain and grief, but one that will help us USE our life experiences to grow, heal, change and transform, which is what (I choose to believe) they are intended to do. Choosing a different perspective doesn’t change the experience, it only changes what you do with it.

So, next time you feel life rolling over you, FLIP IT and see where you land! Look for the gift, the lesson, and the purpose and remember…life is happening FOR you, not TO you. ALL things come to you for you highest good!

Are You Ready to LET GO and LIVE?

Get Ready to LET GO and LIVE!

Are you tired of working too hard and playing too small? Do your relationships fill you with JOY or just fill a void? Does your work empower or exhaust you?  Do you need to make changes but don’t know where to start? You’re not alone! Many of us hold onto unhealthy habits, relationships, careers and emotions simply because we don’t know how to let go.

The first step in letting go is the step toward REALITY. If you were to observe the object of your attachment, love, anger, or even unforgiveness without the filter of "What does this mean about me?" what would you see? Try it! Strip it down past your ego until you see it for what it REALLY is, bare bones. Do you still want it, need it, judge it, or feel hurt by it? Keep stripping until it has no meaning about you...until you feel neutral, not resigned. When you can finally see REALITY with neutrality, you will be free to let go.

Also, when our (unconscious) intentions hover on the level of approval and acceptance (what it means about "me") and we let that hinder our progress (choices/actions), we actually hold others at that level with us, keeping everyone involved stuck. When we're willing to see ourselves and others in the bigger picture, we recognize not only the significance of our Truth, but the necessity of honoring it. Honoring and choosing in alignment with our Truth is not always the most popular choice among friends and loved ones who have other expectations and desires for us. However, when we have the courage to disappoint another to be True to ourselves, we create a ripple of Truth that would not otherwise be possible...for us OR for them. Only good can come from Truth and it will never guide you incorrectly, although it may not be the direction you (or someone else) was hoping. Just keep digging and when you find it, you’ll also find the courage to honor it.

And last, it’s often said that nature abhors a vacuum! When we're willing to dig in, excavate, and LET GO of that which no longer serves us, we create a space for the Universe to fill. When we learn to release the old (unconscious) paradigms and beliefs and hold new, (conscious) intentions and actions, aligned with our highest and Truest values, the Universe will effortlessly fill the space with our heart's desires!

This is YOUR life…are you ready to LET GO and LIVE it?