Then I Woke Up

There was a time in my life when the conditions of the world felt very personal and I felt completely inadequate in my attempts to reach peace…even in my own heart. I wanted to scream at those who didn't “get it”...who couldn't see that they were causing their own dismay and discontent, and at choice in their misery. It was painful and often irritating to hear their complaints, while witnessing as their actions and choices kept them stuck in painful cycles of revenge and hurt. I felt impatient and agitated with their complacency, and their righteousness disgusted me. I wanted to shake them awake!


Then I woke up.


I woke up and realized…I was the one who wanted to scream; I was the one who was discontented and irritated with other’s behaviors; I was the one judging and blaming and miserable. I was…them! I was shrinking in my capacity to love at a time when I needed to love more. And it hurt like hell. Spirit was trying desperately to show me something and when I finally surrendered, took a deep breath, and listened, this is what it whispered…

"You cannot sit at odds with the conditions of your life if you choose to deny your own integrity and default to old beliefs and habits. You must move to recover yourself and let your integrity do your bidding. You cannot blame your humanness, for if you are aware enough to blame, you are awake! And do not fool yourself with anger, prejudice or victimization, because these are of fear and fear does not exist where Truth resides. Nor should you coax yourself into believing you are choosing from Truth if you have even a morsel of shame, because Truth exists without shame, without regret, and without fear. Do not blame others for what you lack, for it is your own lack of compassion that breeds your blame. Nor blame your humanness for your lack of will...for humans exist only by will; God’s will, the will to breathe, the will to love, the will to choose.

Be willing to choose love...again and again and again, when in doubt, when in pain, when in fear…and love until there is nothing else. Nothing but endless, boundless, love! You ARE love. Nothing more. And nothing less.”

Sometimes I still go back to sleep, even now, but Spirit always has a way of waking me up, just before I hit the ground. Thank Godness! :)

“I have found that if I love until it hurts, there is no more hurt…there is only more love.”  ~Mother Theresa