Time and Money...Got Enough?

Next time you hear yourself saying, "I don't have time to..." or  "I don't have enough money for....",  stop and ask yourself, "Hey Self...is that really true? Do I really not have enough time or money? Or is the real truth that I just don't want to spend my time or money on...?

If we're willing to be completely honest, we'll find the latter is almost always true. If you're arguing with me in your head right now, then ask yourself, "Okay, soooooo...how much money did I spend at Starbucks and eating out last week? Or at that great sale this weekend? And tell me again how much time I played on Facebook this morning? Wow...that much!"

The reality is, we'll always, always, always find the means to do those things we want to do, (especially our habits and compulsions) but we'll use the excuse of LACK if we're apprehensive, not interested, not ready, not sure how, or not comfortable simply saying "No." Which is quite unfortunate, considering we're creating constantly and therefore, calling more and more lack unto us, each and every time we affirm that we "don't have enough" of anything!

So, next time you hear yourself using lack as an excuse, get HONEST! Shift the "I don't have..." to "I'm not willing...", "I don't choose to...", or simply, "No, thank you." and you'll not only stop the cycle of lack, empowering yourself (and others) with integrity, but you'll recognize very soon if your choices, energy, and intention are aligned with your true values.

Go ahead...try it! And let me know how it goes.

Get Your SHIFT Together!

SHIFT HAPPENS...and it's happening RIGHT NOW!

We are experiencing a phenomenal shift in consciousness on our planet...a true time of change and growth or us all. What an honor to be here at this time and place of such Divine transformation !

The Release & Renew Weekend Intensive offers us the opportunity to engage in the process (the shift) in a powerful way...right here, right NOW! To use the energy available to release Self-limiting beliefs that keep us stuck in patterns of disbelief, discouragement, fear and bitterness, and embrace a new way of being...a TRUE way of being!

This is an invitation and a call to action! When we heal within, we heal each other, and peace is restored in our world.

Join us February 18-20th for the:

 Release & Renew Weekend Intensive

...and experience the Divine within.

Early registration is extended until Friday, Jan. 21st...

Reserve your space TODAY!

Contact the Center at 512-249-5683

http://www.thecenterforwellbeing.com 

When It's Time to Let Go

When we have to let go of someone we love, it hurts. Whether that is through separation or death, we all go through the same grieving process: Denial, anger, bargaining, sadness/despair, and finally acceptance. No one is exempt from it...NO ONE. It's healthy, normal, expected, and needed. It's what heals us. Each stage serves a purpose in our recovery, and understanding what's happening to us, helps. Nothing can make the pain stop except time, so attempting to fill the void with substance or human flesh only prolongs it. Yes, we need support and we sometimes need comfort, but we need these through the process, not instead of it. 

Over time, I've been surprised by how many people are unaware of the process of grief. I've had clients who've been previously diagnosed with depression that medication didn’t relieve. It may have taken the edge off, but they were like dry-drunks...all the symptoms still very much in tact, but without the ability to express them. If you believe you’re depressed, I encourage you to explore grief counseling before heading to your doctor for meds. It's not always obvious.

Each phase of grief is preparing our psyche to accept the loss, which we resist because we have to pass through the depths of sorrow to get there. Therefore, these stages also serve as a buffer until we're ready. If we take this process gently, allowing ourselves (and others) time to move through it organically, it will take us all the way through and we WILL see light again. Knowing the process helps, so here are the stages as I understand them. I will use the context of a relationship ending:

Denial: This may appear as a "deer in the headlights" response; shock; exasperation; pretending it's not happening and acting/communicating as if the relationship is still in tact; fantasy thinking; an inability to see our part or take responsibility. Sometimes denial can extend into unhealthy behaviors such as obsessing, excessive communication, poor boundaries, possessiveness, and even stalking. It's important to get support if you find yourself slipping into any of these feelings or behaviors. 

Anger: When the denial begins to wear off and we can feel the sting of our loss/rejection/pain, we don't like it! Our anger is an attempt to stop it, control it, or push it out of our experience. For those who are uncomfortable with anger, it may show up as passive/aggressive blame, shaming, or revenge, while others may express full blown rage. Either way, it's a temper-tantrum on the inside that sometimes leaks out onto others. We will turn flips to justify it, only temporarily protecting our hurt, eventually feeling the pain anyway. This too shall pass. Just breaaaaathe…and correct as needed.

Bargaining: The bargaining phase has many faces. I call it the "questioning" phase, because through it, we question EVERYTHING, especially ourselves. We might feel desperate, needy, confused, guilty, afraid, blaming, accusing, regretful, frantic, obsessive, crazy...and we'll go back and pick up anger and denial, too. We constantly ponder the "what ifs, only ifs, maybe ifs, should'ves, could'ves, would'ves, and whys". We're looking for logic to our pain. We go over it again and again. We ask what we did, and what we could have done different. We've wrapped ourselves around the legs of our loss like a pleading child, begging "Whyyyyyyy?" We're attempting to find anything that might possibly prevent the inevitable...the letting go. Bargaining is our way of negotiating with fate. It's exhausting and incorrigible...and futile.

Sadness/despair: This is it. This is what we've been attempting to avoid...the true sadness of our loss. Once we've kicked and screamed and pushed against reality, we lay exhausted in a heap on the floor, literally or figuratively. We have no choice but to surrender and allow it to move through us. The tears are not sporadic as they were before, but deep, guttural, and unyielding. We wail. We scream. We feel anguish in our bones. There's no sense of time or space, or logic. We just are. We unfold in that depth of ourselves and open to our humanness...raw and fragile and strong. We. Are. Real. We bleed. We breathe. We hurt. We nurture and we nourish. We love. And we grieve. That's all there is to it. 

Acceptance: Acceptance isn't a sad state of resignation or an Eyore kind of "nothing I can do about it". Acceptance is the clear, precise awareness of what is. Reality is no longer deniable, nor does it conjure up feelings of anger or regret. It is not joyful or exciting either. It's neutral. It's peaceful. It's quiet. It's a gentle, unopened feeling of relief. It allows us to go on with life and love. Our memories don't hurt any longer and will soon even bring us joy. We don't feel guilty when we're happy, or lost when we're alone. We will sometimes still cry, but we don't fight it because it helps us remember that we're alive and loved...and can love again.

So that's it. That's grief in all its glory. It's a beautiful, cleansing, healing process in its own right. It's organic and healthy, and every single human being experiences it. It can be subtle and happen in a moment, or it can be full-on and take days, weeks, months or years, depending on the depth of loss or change in our life. Some people unconsciously hold onto grief in order to hold onto those they've lost, so if you find yourself stuck in sadness, anger, blame, depression, or even unforgiveness, reach out for support. There’s help. It's not easy...and you're not alone.

Feelin' the ahhhhhh...not the ugggggh.

Wow, it's been weeks since I've blogged! I was so excited to finally BE a blogger and here I've neglected my blogging in the worst way. Actually, I've neglected quite a few things lately, which is unusual for me, especially  at the beginning of a new year. I'm typically raring to go after the long holiday off, but this year, I feel like I'm ever so gently eeaaaassing myself up off my laurels, like I'm recovering from a hip replacement!


No surgeries here...I have all my original parts...but I do feel as if I'm "energetically" recovering. 2010 was a very powerful, very challenging year for me. I healed aspects of myself I wasn't even aware were wounded! I dug in the dirt. I shifted. I sifted. I looked hard at parts of me that were hard to look at. I surrendered. I held strong. I grieved. I stretched...and I grew. I let go. And I grieved some more. And I loved...I loved a lot. I loved BIG. (and I still am!)


Yep, 2010 was a big year, emotionally and spiritually...and I'm tired. I've been waiting for my energy to kick-in, pushing (and judging) myself for being the un-motivated motivator, which has only made me more tired. It's a new YEAR after all...I should be movin' and shakin'! But alas...it feels more like jogging through tar. Apparently, I wasn't fully re-charged when the ball dropped. 


So...I've decided to trust instead of judge and I've been resting. Rejuvenating. Reading. Creating. Pampering myself a little more than usual, doing those things that feed my Soul and my spirit. Even in writing this, I feel lighter and more enthusiastic! I love to write. I love creating new things (especially from old things). I love transformation. I love being healthy and strong, and moving my body. What's important right now is balance, and I know how to do that!  Simply DO WHAT I LOVE every day. Not at the end of the day when everyone else has already been served, but first thing...first breath...first intention. Honor My Self. Honor God.


This morning I slept in, went to a session with my healer, made myself breakfast, and went to yoga. I had a do-to list as long as my arm and guess what? I still do! But now I feel good...and the energy and peace I gained from those couple of hours spent honoring my Self (without the guilt!) will go a long way in accomplishing my work today. That feels better already. Rather than the uggggh I've been dragging around, I'm starting to feel the ahhhhhh. 


Balance is a beautiful thing!

Ready to get your Life in Balance?

A LIFE IN BALANCE Coaching Series: Mondays, January 17-March 14th...6:30-8:30pm in NW Austin!
(Teleclass available for those out of the Austin area. Contact for details!)

Get your spot and get your BALANCE on!

http://myemail.constantcontact.com/A-Life-in-Balance-Coaching-Series--One-Week-Remaining-.html?soid=1103792140233&aid=MPKn4GvjY5w

We ALWAYS Have a Choice!

Stop for a moment and ask yourself: Why am I reading this blog? What am I seeking? Information, clarity, a new perspective? Now, ask yourself if gaining that will improve your life or make you a better human being? If not, then sign off this page right away!

Hopefully, you're still reading because this writing is about choices...our every day, moment to moment choices and how they affect us. 

We're making choices with every breath we take. We choose when we get up, when we go to sleep, when we eat, what we eat, when we check our email, when we play, when we exercise, when we rest, when we clean, when we work, what we wear, what we drive, where we shop, and the list goes on and on. We choose how and with whom we communicate, how we respond to others' communication, what we believe, what we perceive, how we think, how we express ourselves, and what we do to survive. We choose our lovers and our friends, our enemies and our allies. We choose our sorrow, our joy, our inspiration and our discouragement. Yes, we are at choice every moment of our lives, although many will argue relentlessly to the contrary. If you are pushing against the very idea of it even at this moment, that too is a choice.

It's true that we don't always choose our circumstances, at least consciously; however, we have complete control of how we perceive our circumstances, regardless of the obvious pain or joy involved. If we have accepted the premise that we are powerless to choose, we have actually accepted a victim (powerlessness) perspective. When we feel powerless, we feel trapped and unable to feel powerful without anger, manipulation, control, passiveness, aggressiveness, or both. If we don't feel in control or at choice, and especially if we feel overpowered, we'll do whatever we can to survive. Unfortunately, some of our survival strategies only keep us in the victim cycle, causing us further pain, confirming the belief that we are indeed powerless. It's really just a vicious cycle.

But there's a way out! It may sound too easy at first, but I guarantee that if you choose to adopt this one simple premise, your life will change dramatically. Are you ready? Here it is: 

"Life is happening FOR me, not TO me. All things come to me for my highest good."

That's it! When this perspective is applied to any circumstance, it can instantly change how we feel and therefore, how we respond. Try it on! Think about the most recent experience in which you felt out of control or powerless. Now, consider that it came from God, with love, to serve you in some way. What do you imagine the purpose might have been, if it were intended to help you grow, heal, and evolve?

It sometimes takes a while to wrap our minds around the possibility that our pain is useful, however, it is very useful and we can learn to use it and let it go, rather than continuously survive it. Shifting this paradigm is the first step.

While we're shifting, we might as well look at our unhealthy habits and behaviors too, including addictions, codependency, obsessive/compulsive tendencies, anger/rage, passive/aggressiveness, depression, and more. Many people have decided that they're powerless to change these kinds of behaviors and habits, but they're really only choices we once made in survival, that turned into habits, which turned into addictions and compulsions, and became a cycle of self-destructive wounding. Well, we chose once, so we can choose AGAIN! 

Once we come out of the fog and accept that we're choosing all the time, we can begin the process of healing. It helps to locate and understand the triggers that tempt us to make unhealthy choices to begin with, which may require some digging. (You would probably be very surprised at what they are!) Once aware of why we're choosing, we're back in control of what we choose.

An easy way to determine if the choice you are about to make will empower or sabotage you, is to ask yourself, "Will this help me be a better human being?" You'll know very quickly if making that choice will serve your highest good, or not. This tool is especially helpful when applied to addictive habits and behaviors; you need only have the awareness and willingness to use it.

Yes, it is true...whether we have it all or we have nothing, we always have a CHOICE. That really does change everything, doesn't it?

Happy choosing! 

Are YOU Ready to ROCK YOUR LIFE?

How does one ROCK one's LIFE? Shake it up! Do it different. Make a change. Take a risk. Look within. Explore. Heal. Be willing to grow. Sit still. Move your body! Surrender. Trust. Trust yourself. Practice. Forgive. Forgive yourSelf. Believe your WORTH it. Invest in your life. Stop making excuses. Make a difference and mean it! Take a stand. Be bold. Be humble. Wake up! Use your voice. Listen to your Soul. Follow the tug.

http://myemail.constantcontact.com/Ready-to-ROCK-YOUR-LIFE-.html?soid=1103792140233&aid=6_Z39hdOaQU

It's time. Are YOU ready?

Then I Woke Up

There was a time in my life when the conditions of the world felt very personal and I felt completely inadequate in my attempts to reach peace…even in my own heart. I wanted to scream at those who didn't “get it”...who couldn't see that they were causing their own dismay and discontent, and at choice in their misery. It was painful and often irritating to hear their complaints, while witnessing as their actions and choices kept them stuck in painful cycles of revenge and hurt. I felt impatient and agitated with their complacency, and their righteousness disgusted me. I wanted to shake them awake!


Then I woke up.


I woke up and realized…I was the one who wanted to scream; I was the one who was discontented and irritated with other’s behaviors; I was the one judging and blaming and miserable. I was…them! I was shrinking in my capacity to love at a time when I needed to love more. And it hurt like hell. Spirit was trying desperately to show me something and when I finally surrendered, took a deep breath, and listened, this is what it whispered…

"You cannot sit at odds with the conditions of your life if you choose to deny your own integrity and default to old beliefs and habits. You must move to recover yourself and let your integrity do your bidding. You cannot blame your humanness, for if you are aware enough to blame, you are awake! And do not fool yourself with anger, prejudice or victimization, because these are of fear and fear does not exist where Truth resides. Nor should you coax yourself into believing you are choosing from Truth if you have even a morsel of shame, because Truth exists without shame, without regret, and without fear. Do not blame others for what you lack, for it is your own lack of compassion that breeds your blame. Nor blame your humanness for your lack of will...for humans exist only by will; God’s will, the will to breathe, the will to love, the will to choose.

Be willing to choose love...again and again and again, when in doubt, when in pain, when in fear…and love until there is nothing else. Nothing but endless, boundless, love! You ARE love. Nothing more. And nothing less.”

Sometimes I still go back to sleep, even now, but Spirit always has a way of waking me up, just before I hit the ground. Thank Godness! :)

“I have found that if I love until it hurts, there is no more hurt…there is only more love.”  ~Mother Theresa 

Amazed by Grace

After dropping my daughter off at school this morning, I was making my way back through the parking lot, mindfully observing those who weren't observing me (so as not to smush 'em like bugs on the blacktop) and something quite amazing happened. Keep in mind, this is high school. There are no crossing guards in high school. And these are high school kids...entitled as they are...to cross wherever they like, whenever they like, taking full ownership of their "right of way" as pedestrians. 

So, this morning, as I slowed to a stop to let a young man and his girlfriend cross, he looked directly at me and in what seemed to be an automatic response, raised his hand and smiled a "thank you". In an instance, I was snapped out of my "still-on-my-first-cup-of-coffee" daze and filled with an overwhelming sense of gratitude. I smiled back, but he'd already looked away. Had I not been in my pj's, I would have jumped out of the car and hugged him right there on the spot! 

Why so amazed and elated by something as common as a courtesy wave? Well, because it's not very common any more. Not just in high school parking lots, but anywhere! And I'm not just talking about the obvious. (Think "metaphor")

Having the "right of way" does not necessarily guarantee safe passage, regardless of what one is "entitled" to and I think a little common-sense kindness goes a long way. I personally do my best to make sure I wave, smile, nod or offer some measure of acknowledgement for the courtesy another extends me, whether I'm jogging, driving, or in the shopping-cart-chaos that is Costco on a Saturday afternoon. Why? Because it's just good manners, for one...and two, I like good karma. But most importantly, because a young man in a parking lot made my day this morning with a simple smile and a wave when he had no reason to do so other than simple, every-day grace. Enough said. 

You're Gorgeous Inside!

I saw this sign posted in front of a home for sale one day and thought, "I WANT A SIGN LIKE THAT!" A bumper sticker...a name-tag...SOMETHING! It sounds silly, but I swear that house actually stood a little straighter...a little more confident. And it was a beautiful house on the outside as well, but that didn't stop the seller from inviting the world to look on the inside, where they would actually live every day. 

Where they would be comfortable and safe; where they would love and be loved; where they would be vulnerable, and creative, and cleansed and fed. Where they would be naked and real and at "home" with their families. It was an invitation to go past what we see on the outside and step inside, where the good stuff is! 

I thought it was a brilliant metaphor for how we present ourselves in the world. How many of us would be bold enough to boast an "I'M GORGEOUS INSIDE" sign? At first thought, it sounds arrogant or conceited, but in reality, it requires a great deal of humility to invite others to see us on the inside...to be that real and willing to own the beauty of ALL of it. The truth is, we ARE gorgeous inside...in all of our humanness and realness, but the "signs" we tend to drag around more often say things like, "NEEDS WORK", or "REDUCED TO SELL", reflecting our Self-judgments rather than celebrating our true beauty!

So, since that day, I decided to wear a virtual "I'M GORGEOUS INSIDE" sign around my neck...and I do believe I've walked a little taller, been a little kinder, and smiled a whole lot more!